Sunday, 2 August 2009

Office Slogans


What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time,well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober.

I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

1 comment:

  1. I bring a beautiful Message


    Wake every morning with a smile. This is one more opportunity you have to be happy. Be your own engine ignition. The day of today will never return. Do not waste, because you were born to be happy!
    List the good things you have in life. To be aware of its value, you will be able to go forward with great strength, courage and confidence! Trace goals for each day. You achieve your rainbow, one day at a time. Be patient.

    Do not complain of its work, the boredom of routine, as is their work that remains on alert in constant personal and professional development also help to maintain the dignity.

    Believe me, its value is in yourself. Do not be overcome, is not equal, is different. If we let him win, there will be no surprises, no joy ... Aware - is that true happiness is within you. Happiness does not have or achieve, but to give. Extend your hand. Share. Smile. Embrace. Happiness is a perfume you can not pass the other without the smell is a little on your hands.

    The important you have a positive attitude in the face of life, have the desire to show what is better is that it produces wonderful effects. Not only creates a space for what they are happy around her, but also encourages other people to be more positive.

    The time is NOW to be happy.

    The place to be happy is here!


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